Our First Meeting...

Our first meeting with our social worker happened on Thursday 20 June 2019. We were both nervous as we didn't know what to expect or what would be discussed.  Gemma was lovely and really easy to talk to, laid back and not too formal. 

The meeting lasted 3 hours which went really quickly. During the meeting, we found out lots of information about the process but the main focus was about why we were going for adoption, if we were ready for the journey and the background of our family life, childhood and current situation. 

There are 2 stages to becoming an adoptive parent. We are at stage 1. Gemma said there was no reason at the moment why she didn't believe we could move on to stage 2. She will be dealing with us through stage 1 which is basically the form filling and checking stage. Stage 2 is when we get given our social worker who will conduct the home visits and build up our case to take to court. 

These are the forms we were left with for our first stage. We have forms that include: form to register our interest in continuing with the process, medical information, financial information and previous address information. We also have to choose people to give us personal, character references and they will have to give written recommendation and have a visit from the social worker. We have spent the weekend completing these forms and will post them off tomorrow. 

I can't speak fully for Josh but from what we have spoken about since the meeting, we are both very excited and feeling more positive about the process. I was worried about the medical checks but both my hospitals were happy for me to start the surrogacy process so I have no worries that they will support the adoption process. Since attending the information evening for adoption a few months ago, I have had hospital appointments at both Harefield and Lewisham and had great reports so that will also help!

Once they receive our completed forms, they will contact us and let us know the next steps and next round of checks. We will update you all then!

Adoption...

We have started a new journey!

It has taken me a little while to get my head, and emotions, together to be able to write this. I don't know why, as it is a really positive move we have made and we are excited for the journey, I think it has just all hit me at once.

We have settled into our new home since the last blog. About a month ago, after a big Ikea trip to buy furniture for the house, we went for a meal and Josh suddenly mentioned that he had been thinking for a while about adoption. This shocked me. We haven't really mentioned adoption, and when I first met Josh, he wasn't too bothered about having children, so I didn't even think he would want to take on someone else's. We spoke more about it over a week or so and then contacted the council to inquire about starting the process. We spoke briefly giving a few details to a social worker over the phone and they sent us some dates to attend an information evening. We went along on the evening of 15 May.

The information was quite alot to take in but was really good and the people there were really friendly. There were all sorts of couples there....different ages, different ethnicities, same sex couples... we didn't get to meet any of them but it was nice that it was quite busy as we didn't feel too alone. The evening was roughly 2 hours and involved giving information on the process from start to finish, being introduced to a few people that worked for the adoption teams and also 2 people who had been through the process and shared their stories.

I have worked in schools and education since leaving college and even I was surprised at how in-depth the process is. It is obviously needed as they need to make sure these children go to a good, loving, appropriate home for their needs and also, they build up such a big case for you to take to court so that they have all the information on you in order for you to be approved as adoptive parents.

We took a few days to fill in the application form and posted it off on Monday 20 May and was contacted by email on Wednesday 22 May by the social worker we have been given, a lady called Gemma. She introduced herself and gave us a few dates over the next few weeks that she could come and have an initial visit to meet us at our home. She is coming on 13th June! Nervous but exciting! The meeting will last 2-3 hours and if we want to continue, she will take our documents to do a DBS check. So.....that's as far as we have got.

As much as we were positive and hopeful about the surrogacy journey, we are unable to afford it at this time. We would need another £6000-£7000 before we can even start the process, then we would need to find and build a relationship with a surrogate and then hope that the embryos take, and if they don't, it is another £2000 each try. Obviously, he journey would have been totally worth it, but we just can't afford it and I do not want to rely on donations and fundraising...I hate asking people for money and would want to save the rest ourselves. This leaves us with a problem as people have donated money to us for the surrogacy journey and I don't want to touch it or use it for anything else as that isn't right. What do people do if they have done fundraising but then been unable to carry out what they hoped? Or if they go over and above their target? So please, if you have donated money to us for the surrogacy, please can you message me so I can transfer the money back or let me know what you want us to do. The money will definitely be used for our baby one way or another but I don't want people to be angry as they donated that money for a reason. Trust me, if we could continue with the surrogacy we would....

This last few weeks have been tough for me mentally. Those who know me, know that I am usually upbeat, positive and determined to do and get what I want, however, these last few weeks I haven't been that way. I hate being negative but that's what I have been. I have been very upset and teary and basically feeling sorry for myself. I am just fed up of having to fight for everything in my life and this is the one thing I can't change no matter what I do. Well, I can get pregnant, my reproductive system is in full working order (unlike the rest of my damn body), but I would be selfish and highly stupid to risk my life in order to carry a child. I would be selfish to my family, friends, my doggies and most of all, my donor. My body has just let me down yet again and I guess I have got tired of fighting and have accepted the situation. It isn't fair at all.

However, Josh has been absolutely amazing. I don't often give him enough credit, mainly because most of the time he is so bloody annoying, but he has been nothing but positive. He has had big talks with me especially the last week, and put no doubt in my mind that he is with me no matter what and we are doing this together. He is amazing. I see how he is with me and our nieces and nephew and he will make a fantastic dad and that's why it upsets me more that I can't give him that. We have been very positive on the actual adoption route though. It is an amazing thing for us to be able to do for a child that has had an awful start to life.

I have written far more than I planned to tonight so I will leave it there for now. I'm sure there are feelings and information that I have missed out but I will include that in our next blog in a few weeks once we have had our first visit. Fingers crossed that goes well x