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Saturday 2 November 2019

Taking a break....

We have come to a decision that we are going to stop the adoption process for now and wait until after our wedding. We have a year now until we get married so after this, we can then look into starting again with starting a family. It has not been an easy decision and we have both been very angry, upset and hurt which is why it has taken me a while to be able to sit and update this blog. I will tell you all the reasons behind it as we go on as best I can.

We had the visit from the social workers and they read us the feedback that was given to them about us from the 4 preparation days we went on in August. There was mainly 1 lady from our council so it was her feedback that it was taken from. Before the preparation days, we had NEVER met the woman and over the course of the 4 days, we NEVER spoke to her, except to give her our documents so she could start our DBS checks, so she did not know our situation or why we were there. I understand giving feedback on someone is difficult if they aren't known to you, therefore, I believe it is right for her to give general statements on how she saw we got on in the tasks and with interacting and getting involved with everyone else, but NOT personal recommendations or statements. So, with this in mind, I will tell you the feedback we received....

'It was a large group. When the group worked altogether, Sophie and Josh were quite quiet but did have input, and when they broke off into smaller groups, we could see they were involved more. During some of the talks/presentations, they looked bored and uninterested. On day 2, Sophie seemed quiet and got upset. I was made aware it was her transplant anniversary. Josh swore a couple of times during the sessions and Sophie injected herself during the break'.

What are your thoughts on this? Our thoughts? Initially we were quite shocked at the comments so didn't really put our point across to the social workers, but having had time to think about things, and from talking to close friends and family, we are very upset and angry at how we have been made to feel by 1 persons views. I'm not going to rant or go into full detail on here, but, we both feel that some of those comments made were not relevant at all. Everyone at the preparation days found parts of it hard and sitting in a classroom from 9-4 each day was difficult so we weren't the only ones. Josh is also dyslexic and didn't do well in school so he doesn't feel comfortable and cope well in these situations. Day 2 was my 8 year anniversary of my double lung transplant. It is a big deal for us, it would be for anybody, but we don't make a big deal. We always mark the day by doing something to celebrate my life and also as a mark of respect for my donor and their family. Surely, by us being there on that day shows how committed we are to the adoption? Also, everyone has certain days that they find difficult, whether it is losing a family member or marking a certain occasion, if my anniversary fell on a day that we didn't have the training, it wouldn't have been an issue. As for the point of injecting myself, yes I did, I have diabetes!!!! I should have my long acting insulin at the same time everyday - 10.30am - and our break wasn't until 11am. I waited until most people had left the room to get tea and coffee and injected my side quickly and put it away. I wasn't near anyone and was looking after myself and doing my treatments - what do they want me to do??

After briefly discussing and listening to this from the social workers, we were told we could go onto Stage 2 after Christmas, if we looked into getting some counselling. This also got my back up. We don't need counselling. I have been offered many types of counselling since I was about 13 years old but I have never taken it. I have my family and close friends that I can talk to and rely on. When you complete your workbooks for this adoption process, you complete a diagram and questions on who you have supporting you, so the fact I have never needed counselling surely shows that I have very strong support networks so I feel like they are contradicting themselves. Once the social workers left, we had a chat and came to the decision to stop.

We are both not happy with the way we have been treated and made to feel. We have been made to feel like we aren't good people, never mind, good parents. It has upset us because we aren't bad people and if we weren't ready or fit enough, we wouldn't have started the process. I work in education and have done since my part-time job when I was 14 so it's even more upsetting, and embarrassing, for me to feel like they are criticising us so much. They are crying out for adopters and foster carers and now I'm not surprised there aren't enough if this is how they are treated. Other people we have spoken to also aren't happy with the council so at least we aren't alone. The council we have gone with is also under the banner of 'requires improvement' so, before criticising us, maybe they should sort themselves out first (sorry, low blow but I couldn't help it).

I want to end on a positive note as we always try and pull ourselves up from bad situations and experiences. We have lots to look forward over the next year.... in a month's time we will find out if I have passed my Masters and get to graduate, Josh's sister will be having her baby boy in December and we can not wait to be an auntie and uncle, christmas is obviously a fab time, I start a new job in December, and we, of course, have our wedding to plan and get ready for in October. After this, we will contact other councils or adoption agencies, and look into starting the process with them. We didn't look around before and went to our nearest council as most people seem to do, but, you don't look at 1 kitchen when you're shopping around do you? So why would you go with the first adoption agency. All of them are different and some clearly better than others.

So.....for now, we won't be updating this blog as we won't have any news. As soon as we start the process again next year, we will update. Hopefully, it goes smoothly and better than this time. Thank you again for everyone's support and messages. They have really helped us both and it has been lovely to hear from people that haven't spoken to me in years and didn't even know followed our journey.

Speak to you all soon x



1 comment:

  1. I agree with you I think the social worker has the issues and not you. Keep smiling dust yourself down and shine as you always do. Go Sophie Gannon I'm rooting for you and Josh all the way 🥰

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