Halfway through treatment and surrogate information...

 

1 week down, 1 week to go!

My scan and bloods last Wednesday went well. I was on my 2nd day of my bleed so they did my ultrasound and checked the thickness of the womb lining. Apparently it has to be under 5 to start treatment and mine was 3.6 so they gave me medication to be started that night. All medication is administered via injections in the stomach. I'm used to this with my insulin injections, however, there is alot more actual medication to push in and the needle is a lot longer so it feels slightly strange.  I started on Bemfola each evening for 4 days. Then from Sunday I have been on Cetrotide in the mornings and Meriofert in the evenings. 

  

  

I had a scan today and everything seems to be fine and getting along well. I have another scan on friday but they have provisionally set the date of egg retrieval for next Wednesday. Slightly nervous!

We have had a few comments from people that they might be interested in surrogacy and becoming a surrogate. It is lovely for people to say that but also gives us hope which we know may not follow on as a definite offer. We have requested information from the clinic for people if they are genuinely interested in becoming our surrogate, as we need to make sure people are fully aware of the process and what it entails. I have provided an overview below but, of course, if anyone would like any further information, please feel free to ask and I can send it - I won't expect you to go ahead with it just by asking! 

We are doing 'Host Surrogacy' which means it is my egg and Josh's sperm so the baby is ours and nothing genetically linked to the surrogate - she will be the oven and look after the baby but not be related. She will have a medical check including bloods and the usual clinic checks and an ultrasound to check the uterus is normal and will start taking medication for stimulation. The surrogate should also start to take Folic Acid once treatment is planned. 

The surrogate will take tablets for roughly 2 weeks in preparation for the embryo transfer then have an ultrasound. The embryo transfer is similar to a smear test and is not a major procedure at all. Tablet medication continues until they attend for a pregnancy blood test or until pregnancy has been confirmed which is around 2 weeks after transfer.  

It is illegal to pay someone for being a surrogate, however, we will be paying for the medication and all appointments and while pregnant, we will make sure the surrogate is not out of pocket so we will pay for anything needed in relation to pregnancy such as clothes and travel to and from clinic. 

Will update further nearer the time of egg retrieval - not long now!

   

Health Checks...

The day Josh was dreading has been and gone and he survived! 

     

Our clinic appointment was on Friday. This visit was for our health checks to be done. We both had to have blood tests and I had to have an ultrasound scan to see my ovaries. Josh is terrified of needles and has never had a blood test before so he was very nervous all morning. To make it easier, I brought him some numbing cream and put that on an hour before our appointment. He did really well and I was so surprised at how he handled it. Once the needle was in, he was chatting away. They took lots of blood for various tests such as HIV, Hepatitis and Gonorrhoea. They also did an extra test because I have Cystic Fibrosis (which is genetic) to see if Josh carries the CF gene. We should get the results back in about 5 weeks.

Next was my ultrasound scan. They insert a scanning device inside to look at each ovary and also see if it is easily reachable ready for egg collection. It was slightly uncomfortable but took about 5 minutes. They were happy with everything and said the egg collection could go ahead as planned and shouldn’t be any issues. Josh had to take his trousers down so they could check out his male bits and that was it - easy for men isn’t it! 

The next stage is for me to start the hormone treatment. They work it in with your menstrual cycle and start the treatment between the 1st and 3rd day of your bleeding. That happens to be tomorrow - Wednesday 23rd! So I am back up the clinic for an appointment. I think I need more bloods done for hormone levels, another ultrasound and then will be told what medications I’m starting. I’m usually ok when I’m on my period but I’m nervous to start these medications as I’m only used to my cocktail of “normal” meds. For the next 2 weeks, I’m either going to be a crying mess or want to kill everyone in rage. Hopefully everything will be fine.

I also wanted to thank everyone for our lovely messages and comments following our last blog. We read them all and they all mean so much. I especially want to thank a couple of the girls that privately messaged me who have been through similar experiences and it really helped reassure me as I am slightly worried about the egg retrieval under local. 

I will do a small update at the end of the week after my visit to the clinic tomorrow to let you know the plan for the next 2 weeks. 

       

We Are Back...

 

Surprise!

We are back after 2 years since our last post, and what a 2 years it has been!

Our wedding and baby making plans were put further on hold due to Covid in March 2020 BUT we finally got married a year after we originally planned on 13th October 2021 marking our 6 year anniversary. 

  

We got Christmas out the way then re-applied for funding for IVF as we live in a different borough to when we last applied. This was again turned down so we have managed to save up for most of the amount needed for the IVF part of the process. Of course, we still have the money donated previously so that is being used so thank you so much again to everyone that helped. 

We contacted a few clinics near us in December - some didn't get back to us and some only did IVF and not the surrogacy part of the process so we did find it quite limiting on options. However, we were contacted back by Herts and Essex Fertility Clinic and they were so helpful and lovely from the first phone call so we have signed up with them. They are an hour away (depending on traffic at the QE2 bridge/tunnels) but it is easy to get to, easy to park at and there is a cafe round the corner if we get there early :)

We had our first appointment towards the end of January - it should have been originally in the middle of Jan, however, I decided to have pneumonia and be hospitalised on New Years Day so we put it back until we were in a better situation. We arrived early so took advantage of the cafe and then were seen straight through to a room and answered lots of questions and had our questions answered. I gave them the long list of my medications and we had our first 'tests'. This test was to check my hormone levels and Josh's sperm and we would have the results given to us in a few weeks time over an online appointment with the doctor. I'm pleased to say both tests were normal - woohoo - I am normal in one area of my body and life at least! Josh also picked up a little souvenir from the clinic.... his sperm stress ball 😆

Our next appointment was in the first week of February to get the results of our first tests that I have just mentioned and to meet the doctor and for him to talk through the process and answer any further questions. He was really nice and explained everything really clearly. Due to my health issues with my breathing and lungs, I will not be able to have my egg retrieval done under a sedation so will have to have just a local. This is because they are not attached to a hospital so didn't want to risk messing with my breathing incase anything went wrong. Bit worried about that, however, he assured me it will be fine and others have it done that way. They will manage the pain still and be there to support me. It is a 10-15 minute procedure so I will have to grit my teeth and get on with it. 

We both have access to an online portal linked with the clinic. This is where they can send us forms to sign and get us to watch and read the different areas of the process so we understand what can or does happen. It is really helpful to have and we had a further online appointment with a nurse at the end of February, she went through the forms and made sure we were happy to sign. She then booked in our next appointment and gave us some provisional dates for our treatment plan. 

Our next appointment is in middle of March. This is for our health checks including blood tests and an ultrasound for me, to check the follicles and basically have an initial look around in there! Following this appointment, she worked out my menstrual cycle dates and they are looking at starting my medication regime a week after this appointment. The medication regime is roughly 2 weeks long and is given to make me produce as many eggs as possible ready to be used. I will then be brought in for the egg retrieval and Josh will provide his sperm sample and they make the embryos straight away. This is all scheduled for the first week in April.     

So we have a plan in place for now and a rough schedule which is exciting but nerve racking too. Just hope it goes as well as it possibly can. We need to start 'looking' for a lovely lady to carry our little baby now we have started the process. This is the part that worries me as I worry we won't find anyone and no one will come forward. I will talk more about that later but for now, we are happy and have a busy month ahead. Will update you all again after our appointment in a few weeks time! 

Taking a break....

We have come to a decision that we are going to stop the adoption process for now and wait until after our wedding. We have a year now until we get married so after this, we can then look into starting again with starting a family. It has not been an easy decision and we have both been very angry, upset and hurt which is why it has taken me a while to be able to sit and update this blog. I will tell you all the reasons behind it as we go on as best I can.

We had the visit from the social workers and they read us the feedback that was given to them about us from the 4 preparation days we went on in August. There was mainly 1 lady from our council so it was her feedback that it was taken from. Before the preparation days, we had NEVER met the woman and over the course of the 4 days, we NEVER spoke to her, except to give her our documents so she could start our DBS checks, so she did not know our situation or why we were there. I understand giving feedback on someone is difficult if they aren't known to you, therefore, I believe it is right for her to give general statements on how she saw we got on in the tasks and with interacting and getting involved with everyone else, but NOT personal recommendations or statements. So, with this in mind, I will tell you the feedback we received....

'It was a large group. When the group worked altogether, Sophie and Josh were quite quiet but did have input, and when they broke off into smaller groups, we could see they were involved more. During some of the talks/presentations, they looked bored and uninterested. On day 2, Sophie seemed quiet and got upset. I was made aware it was her transplant anniversary. Josh swore a couple of times during the sessions and Sophie injected herself during the break'.

What are your thoughts on this? Our thoughts? Initially we were quite shocked at the comments so didn't really put our point across to the social workers, but having had time to think about things, and from talking to close friends and family, we are very upset and angry at how we have been made to feel by 1 persons views. I'm not going to rant or go into full detail on here, but, we both feel that some of those comments made were not relevant at all. Everyone at the preparation days found parts of it hard and sitting in a classroom from 9-4 each day was difficult so we weren't the only ones. Josh is also dyslexic and didn't do well in school so he doesn't feel comfortable and cope well in these situations. Day 2 was my 8 year anniversary of my double lung transplant. It is a big deal for us, it would be for anybody, but we don't make a big deal. We always mark the day by doing something to celebrate my life and also as a mark of respect for my donor and their family. Surely, by us being there on that day shows how committed we are to the adoption? Also, everyone has certain days that they find difficult, whether it is losing a family member or marking a certain occasion, if my anniversary fell on a day that we didn't have the training, it wouldn't have been an issue. As for the point of injecting myself, yes I did, I have diabetes!!!! I should have my long acting insulin at the same time everyday - 10.30am - and our break wasn't until 11am. I waited until most people had left the room to get tea and coffee and injected my side quickly and put it away. I wasn't near anyone and was looking after myself and doing my treatments - what do they want me to do??

After briefly discussing and listening to this from the social workers, we were told we could go onto Stage 2 after Christmas, if we looked into getting some counselling. This also got my back up. We don't need counselling. I have been offered many types of counselling since I was about 13 years old but I have never taken it. I have my family and close friends that I can talk to and rely on. When you complete your workbooks for this adoption process, you complete a diagram and questions on who you have supporting you, so the fact I have never needed counselling surely shows that I have very strong support networks so I feel like they are contradicting themselves. Once the social workers left, we had a chat and came to the decision to stop.

We are both not happy with the way we have been treated and made to feel. We have been made to feel like we aren't good people, never mind, good parents. It has upset us because we aren't bad people and if we weren't ready or fit enough, we wouldn't have started the process. I work in education and have done since my part-time job when I was 14 so it's even more upsetting, and embarrassing, for me to feel like they are criticising us so much. They are crying out for adopters and foster carers and now I'm not surprised there aren't enough if this is how they are treated. Other people we have spoken to also aren't happy with the council so at least we aren't alone. The council we have gone with is also under the banner of 'requires improvement' so, before criticising us, maybe they should sort themselves out first (sorry, low blow but I couldn't help it).

I want to end on a positive note as we always try and pull ourselves up from bad situations and experiences. We have lots to look forward over the next year.... in a month's time we will find out if I have passed my Masters and get to graduate, Josh's sister will be having her baby boy in December and we can not wait to be an auntie and uncle, christmas is obviously a fab time, I start a new job in December, and we, of course, have our wedding to plan and get ready for in October. After this, we will contact other councils or adoption agencies, and look into starting the process with them. We didn't look around before and went to our nearest council as most people seem to do, but, you don't look at 1 kitchen when you're shopping around do you? So why would you go with the first adoption agency. All of them are different and some clearly better than others.

So.....for now, we won't be updating this blog as we won't have any news. As soon as we start the process again next year, we will update. Hopefully, it goes smoothly and better than this time. Thank you again for everyone's support and messages. They have really helped us both and it has been lovely to hear from people that haven't spoken to me in years and didn't even know followed our journey.

Speak to you all soon x

Update on Stage 1 so far...

We are NEARLY there! It has taken abit longer than expected just because of the amount of checks and references that need to be done by people close to us, professionals and the authority.

The adoption workers have everything they need now except 3 things: Josh is still waiting for his DBS to come back, my transplant hospital still haven't completed their reference and the medical advisor has to review our GP medicals to make sure they are happy with them. I am going to have to chase my hospital tomorrow - I know they are busy but they have had it since July and we can't move on until we have it! I am not worried about the reference as it was my transplant hospital who put us forward for the surrogacy - they will just be happy that we are doing every other option rather than me carrying a child. 

We have also been told that we need a final visit from our social worker before we move to Stage 2. This has worried me slightly, and her visit is booked for 8th October, so we have 2 weeks to worry about what it is about. She has said it is nothing to worry about and not to be nervous and they just want to clarify a few things so hopefully it isn't anything too major. 

Since the last blog update, we had our 4 days of preparation training. These were long, hard days of full of lots of information and advice which was interesting, but also alot to take in. We were very nervous to attend but the other group members were lovely and we got on with everyone and it was nice to be able to chat and hear about their situations and general thoughts. A whole range of people were there: couples who have been through IVF, loss of babies, same sex couples, single adopters and couples like us who were there for medical reasons. We now have a 'whatsapp' group which is actually really lovely to have and a bigger source of support than I expected. I love hearing from them all and hearing their updates - we are all, except one couple, still waiting to hear about moving to Stage 2, so we are all in the same boat! Meeting these people was definitely one of the best things to come out of the training and I hope we continue to support each other. 

I am feeling slightly fed up and impatient lately. Not just with the adoption stuff but in general. I suppose you are going to get periods of these feelings. I just didn't realise how difficult and mentally hard this Stage 1 part was. I have been chasing and reading and communicating with different people and departments since we were accepted onto Stage 1 at the end of June - I'm knackered! Of course it will all be worth it but doesn't mean it isn't hard work. 

I would also just like to end on asking a little favour: I am more than happy to talk about anything - whether its about my health journey, adoption journey or anything to do with my life - but when you do ask about the adoption journey, please don't keep saying "people that can get pregnant naturally don't have to go through all this", or "why do you have to do all that, it's alot of work". Trust me I know and I agree, but it has to be done and that's what is needed in order for us to get a child. I can't change that.  Both me and Josh do love the amount of people that are behind us and ask about how we are getting on, those little comments do really help - we need all the help and support we can get. 

Stage 1...

All our forms we were given during the first meeting (see previous blog) were sent off and on 20th June, we were officially accepted onto Stage 1 of the adoption process. As I write this blog, we are about halfway through. 

At the start of July, all the people we chose and asked to be our referees received their letters. They had to answer a handful of questions about us, basically an in-depth character reference and send it back by the end of July. We each had our employer reference, a family member reference and two friends references. As far as I know, these have all been sent back and completed. Because of my health situation, I also had to get a reference from both hospitals I am under.

We also completed a financial assessment which we will be taking next week when we attend our first training day. We have been signed up to adoption training/preparation days. There are 4 in total over the next 3 weeks and these give more information and preparation for adoption and any situations you might have to handle. We have to attend all 4 to be able to move to the next stage. It was quite handy that they fell during the summer holidays as I am off work and Josh booked a few weeks off so he could spend some time with me. We are both quite nervous but have heard that everyone is very friendly and all couples work together and support each other and you end up making friends for the journey. During these training days, we will be having a DBS check to make sure we have no convictions especially when it comes to children! 

We have also nearly completed a workbook that we have each been emailed. It is about 50 pages and goes through all aspects of our past including childhood, past relationships, family, feelings and our adoption information. It is very repetitive and some of the questions aren't relevant to us (for example, there are 2 pages on if we live with other adults and their thoughts and attitudes to adoption) but we understand that they are trying to build up a picture of us, our family and situation so they have as much information as possible when it goes to court. These workbooks need to be completed during Stage 1 but will be used, if we progress to Stage 2, by the social worker to reference and work from.

The last thing on the list for Stage 1 is getting a medical assessment done from our GP. After waiting a month and constantly contacting them to try and get someone who knows what the procedure is to help, we have finally been booked in for 23rd August. We have to pay £75 each for a 15 minute appointment. 

Then that is Stage 1 complete! From the initial letter about Stage 1, it looks like, as long as everything is completed and they are happy with the outcome and answers, we can move onto Stage 2 around the beginning of September. I am still nervous for this Stage 1 outcome purely because of my medical information. I don't want that to affect anything. If I didn't think I was capable or well enough, we wouldn't have started the journey in the first place. Please keep everything crossed for us and we will update once we have finished Stage 1 in about 3 weeks!

Our First Meeting...

Our first meeting with our social worker happened on Thursday 20 June 2019. We were both nervous as we didn't know what to expect or what would be discussed.  Gemma was lovely and really easy to talk to, laid back and not too formal. 

The meeting lasted 3 hours which went really quickly. During the meeting, we found out lots of information about the process but the main focus was about why we were going for adoption, if we were ready for the journey and the background of our family life, childhood and current situation. 

There are 2 stages to becoming an adoptive parent. We are at stage 1. Gemma said there was no reason at the moment why she didn't believe we could move on to stage 2. She will be dealing with us through stage 1 which is basically the form filling and checking stage. Stage 2 is when we get given our social worker who will conduct the home visits and build up our case to take to court. 

These are the forms we were left with for our first stage. We have forms that include: form to register our interest in continuing with the process, medical information, financial information and previous address information. We also have to choose people to give us personal, character references and they will have to give written recommendation and have a visit from the social worker. We have spent the weekend completing these forms and will post them off tomorrow. 

I can't speak fully for Josh but from what we have spoken about since the meeting, we are both very excited and feeling more positive about the process. I was worried about the medical checks but both my hospitals were happy for me to start the surrogacy process so I have no worries that they will support the adoption process. Since attending the information evening for adoption a few months ago, I have had hospital appointments at both Harefield and Lewisham and had great reports so that will also help!

Once they receive our completed forms, they will contact us and let us know the next steps and next round of checks. We will update you all then!

Adoption...

We have started a new journey!

It has taken me a little while to get my head, and emotions, together to be able to write this. I don't know why, as it is a really positive move we have made and we are excited for the journey, I think it has just all hit me at once.

We have settled into our new home since the last blog. About a month ago, after a big Ikea trip to buy furniture for the house, we went for a meal and Josh suddenly mentioned that he had been thinking for a while about adoption. This shocked me. We haven't really mentioned adoption, and when I first met Josh, he wasn't too bothered about having children, so I didn't even think he would want to take on someone else's. We spoke more about it over a week or so and then contacted the council to inquire about starting the process. We spoke briefly giving a few details to a social worker over the phone and they sent us some dates to attend an information evening. We went along on the evening of 15 May.

The information was quite alot to take in but was really good and the people there were really friendly. There were all sorts of couples there....different ages, different ethnicities, same sex couples... we didn't get to meet any of them but it was nice that it was quite busy as we didn't feel too alone. The evening was roughly 2 hours and involved giving information on the process from start to finish, being introduced to a few people that worked for the adoption teams and also 2 people who had been through the process and shared their stories.

I have worked in schools and education since leaving college and even I was surprised at how in-depth the process is. It is obviously needed as they need to make sure these children go to a good, loving, appropriate home for their needs and also, they build up such a big case for you to take to court so that they have all the information on you in order for you to be approved as adoptive parents.

We took a few days to fill in the application form and posted it off on Monday 20 May and was contacted by email on Wednesday 22 May by the social worker we have been given, a lady called Gemma. She introduced herself and gave us a few dates over the next few weeks that she could come and have an initial visit to meet us at our home. She is coming on 13th June! Nervous but exciting! The meeting will last 2-3 hours and if we want to continue, she will take our documents to do a DBS check. So.....that's as far as we have got.

As much as we were positive and hopeful about the surrogacy journey, we are unable to afford it at this time. We would need another £6000-£7000 before we can even start the process, then we would need to find and build a relationship with a surrogate and then hope that the embryos take, and if they don't, it is another £2000 each try. Obviously, he journey would have been totally worth it, but we just can't afford it and I do not want to rely on donations and fundraising...I hate asking people for money and would want to save the rest ourselves. This leaves us with a problem as people have donated money to us for the surrogacy journey and I don't want to touch it or use it for anything else as that isn't right. What do people do if they have done fundraising but then been unable to carry out what they hoped? Or if they go over and above their target? So please, if you have donated money to us for the surrogacy, please can you message me so I can transfer the money back or let me know what you want us to do. The money will definitely be used for our baby one way or another but I don't want people to be angry as they donated that money for a reason. Trust me, if we could continue with the surrogacy we would....

This last few weeks have been tough for me mentally. Those who know me, know that I am usually upbeat, positive and determined to do and get what I want, however, these last few weeks I haven't been that way. I hate being negative but that's what I have been. I have been very upset and teary and basically feeling sorry for myself. I am just fed up of having to fight for everything in my life and this is the one thing I can't change no matter what I do. Well, I can get pregnant, my reproductive system is in full working order (unlike the rest of my damn body), but I would be selfish and highly stupid to risk my life in order to carry a child. I would be selfish to my family, friends, my doggies and most of all, my donor. My body has just let me down yet again and I guess I have got tired of fighting and have accepted the situation. It isn't fair at all.

However, Josh has been absolutely amazing. I don't often give him enough credit, mainly because most of the time he is so bloody annoying, but he has been nothing but positive. He has had big talks with me especially the last week, and put no doubt in my mind that he is with me no matter what and we are doing this together. He is amazing. I see how he is with me and our nieces and nephew and he will make a fantastic dad and that's why it upsets me more that I can't give him that. We have been very positive on the actual adoption route though. It is an amazing thing for us to be able to do for a child that has had an awful start to life.

I have written far more than I planned to tonight so I will leave it there for now. I'm sure there are feelings and information that I have missed out but I will include that in our next blog in a few weeks once we have had our first visit. Fingers crossed that goes well x

On Hold...

Just a little update on where we are at the moment with our surrogacy journey seeing as yesterday was Mothers Day...

We have managed with the help of many of you amazing people to raise just over £3500 towards our little baby. We need the same amount on top of that and we will be ready to start making some embryos. We have been talking with family and each other and thinking about fundraising but, to be honest, at the moment we are very busy in our work and home life that it would be too much for us to organise. I also do not wan to rely on other people purely to make this happen for us. It is our aim to save up for the rest of the money ourselves. This hopefully wont take us too long as I don't want to be waiting years for this to happen as the actual process takes long enough.

We have just over the past few weeks finalised and moved into our first home together. We have worked and saved for the last 2 years to be able to get to where we are today and we wanted to make sure we were settled with our own space before making any moves on the baby and wedding front. Now we have our home we can make a start on moving ahead.

I have set up a savings account that is purely for our surrogacy so all the money raised so far is in there. I do this for my own piece of mind so that I can prove we are using all the money raised for what we should be. Once we are settled and on track with our home and bills, me and Josh will be saving and adding to this surrogacy savings fund as much as we can. We have obviously still got the fundraising page open just in case but I dont want to keep pushing it in people's faces. If they want to help and donate, they will, if not, we understand!

Not really much to update as we will just be concentrating on saving for the next few months at least, but yesterday I was thinking about it quite abit and getting abit upset and frustrated about the situation so thought I would do a little blog entry.

Hopefully it wont be too long until I update you all again with good news that we have reached our savings goal. Fingers crossed!

Time to Fundraise...

First of all, we would like to thank absolutely everyone for your messages and donations since our last blog post. We were rather upset to get the decision but by the end of the evening, we were so positive and happy with the massive amount of support that was sent to us. It was the worst time of year to get the news just weeks before Xmas but despite this, people still donated. It didn't matter how much was donated we appreciate everything. It all adds up. We would like to mention a few things that stood out and really overwhelmed us...

First of all, the biggest thank you goes to Liz Leese and Joey's family and friends. Joey was one of my closest friends and passed away from Cystic Fibrosis very suddenly nearly 4 years ago. Her mum set up a Trust in her name. Basically her mum Liz decided to close the Trust and when she read our last blog she asked the Trust members, mainly Joeys family and friends, if they would be happy for us to have the money to help us. They were all so supportive and agreed (I would have totally understood if they had wanted it to go to CF or Joeys hospital) so over the last few weeks, we have received the cheques and a letter. The total added up to roughly £2300. Other amounts for around £200 came from my uncle and Josh's cousin. Despite the donations, the supportive messages have been amazing - people at my work have given me lots of cuddles and always asking how we are getting on, messages from people who I haven't seen since primary school, along with people offering to help fundraise money by offering places to hold events and running in events and offering some of their fundraising amounts. Just thank you.

We had our appointment today. We should have gone between Xmas and New Year but I decided to get pneumonia and get whisked into hospital so we changed it for today. Despite knowing we didn't have the funding we went along to see what our next steps and options could be. I had a letter from my lung consultant which contested the funding decision to take with us for them to send to the council to see if that would help. It didn't. The surrogacy hospital basically said the council were we live don't fund surrogacy even though they agree that we need to take that route. We have one final attempt and little ray of hope for funding though....

We have just got a mortgage and a house together in a different borough to where we live now, therefore, when we move in a few months time, we could apply through my new GP to the new borough to see if they have different rules and criteria and see if we can get the funding. I really don't hold out much hope as I feel the criteria will still be the same but it is definitely worth a try of course!

So we need to raise £7000 altogether for the first part of this journey. This will be to remove my eggs, them to make the embryos and to store them for up to a year. We will worry about the second part once this is done. We asked if they did any payment plans or offered any payment options but it has to be the full amount for them to go ahead. The fact we are now paying for the journey without the help of NHS means we are now private patients. This means we don't have to use the current hospital we are under. 

The hospital has been amazing and we have no issues with them, it's just quite far away and we know there are hospitals that are nearer. Obviously it will be worth the journeys for the end result but if we can cut our travel time down significantly then that is a smart move. Today we left home at 1pm for our 3pm appointment. This appointment, along with our other appointments lasted around 15 minutes and then we made our way home and got home about 6pm. I'm used to hospitals and travelling but it is very tiring. We were given the current surrogacy hospital as that is the one my transplant hospital use when they refer patients. We will be contacting another hospital to see if we can be seen under them purely for ease and time. 

In other news, we shouldn't have any problems making the embryos as all of our results came back good and normal. Josh's sperm is normal and no issues and my ovaries are good, one is within easy reach and my egg amount is good. 

So now, we need to start the fundraising. So far we are looking at planning a football tournament or match along with family activities like a fun day, possibly a quiz night (everyone loves a quiz) and anything else that comes along. Just to also add, a friend has a place in the London Landmarks Half Marathon which takes place on 24 March. She is unable to run due to knee problems and has offered to give someone the chance to run and raise money for us. If anyone fancies it, let me know.

Hopefully the next blog will be a positive update that we have hit our target - We are trying to say positive!!

https://www.gofundme.com/the-making-of-baby-thomas

No Funding For Us...

We got our letter today in the post. It's not good news:

We have been declined funding for our surrogacy. We can't appeal and can't complain.

Basically the decision has been made because, apparently, there were no exceptional circumstances (just carrying a baby could potentially kill me or shorten my life dramatically) and we didn't fit the funding criteria. They have sent me the criteria and it is because my medical condition and treatment doesn't affect my eggs or Josh's sperm. For example, if I had cancer or was about to receive cancer treatment and this was to affect my eggs then we would get the funding, likewise, if Josh had cancer and the treatment was going to affect his sperm and kill them, then we would get the funding. We don't qualify for this as both my eggs and Josh's sperm isn't the issue so they don't actually fund surrogacy.

Josh is at work and we have told family who are all supportive but there is nothing anyone can say or do to change the situation. We are both very upset, frustrated and angry. Everyone has been so positive and optimistic that we would get the funding as to us, it was a clear cut case, however, things never turn out as planned. I can't really write much else at the moment as I don't know what to say other than it being followed by many many swear words!

On another, slightly more positive frame of mind: we are going to get started with some fundraising. I have always disliked the idea of some fundraising pages - don't get me wrong, some of them are amazing and help people in times of need - but I'm just stubborn and come from the mindset of 'why should someone just give me money' 'it's not up to them'. Since starting this blog though, many people have asked if we have a donation page as they would like to help, so..... I have set one up and the link is below. We will be arranging some fundraising events which we will let you know about once they have been organised. Any ideas or help is welcome!

https://www.gofundme.com/the-making-of-baby-thomas

Thats the link to the page above. Please feel free to share this blog or the link. Any donations or any help in spreading the word is honestly appreciated so much by me and Josh.

Will update more soon when I'm in a better frame of mind. I knew this journey wasn't going to be easy, however, the journey hasn't hardly had a chance to begin yet....

Still waiting...

We had our second appointment on Friday 9 November to meet with the surrogacy team. The week before, we went up to the hospital for my ultrasound for them to look at my womb and ovaries and see where they are and what condition they are in. I didn't realise it was an internal ultrasound! I went behind the curtain, stripped off from the waist down and wrapped myself in a sheet. It was uncomfortable and a very strange feeling when she turned the camera but Josh was there watching the screen very interested and holding my hand. I was told my womb was fine (typical - as I clearly wont be using it!!) but they were unable to see my ovaries. She said this was common as it depends where you are in your cycle and other reasons so I would have to have another one when we came back for our appointment to try again. 

At our appointment the consultant didn't say too much because we can't move on any further in the process until we hear about the funding. We are still waiting for an answer as they are getting more information and putting it to a panel who will meet and discuss the case. We have our next appointment on 28 December so we should definitely have an answer by then. If it a 'yes' then we will be so happy, however, if it is a 'no', then we won't be able to continue on until we save £7000-8000. We are currently about to get our mortgage in principal to buy our house so we will be unable to save this amount. A few close friends have mentioned fundraising which I would like to do if we get turned down. We will just have to sit and wait with everything crossed. I did get my blood test results which were good and told us that I had 16 eggs. He said a bad result would be 5 so he was more than happy with my number.

Josh got his results from his sperm test, but, because it will be over 3 months since he gave them the sample, he will have to do it again before our December appointment in order for it to be the best it can be ready for creating the embryos. The percentage they like to see for sperm is 4% and Josh's result was 2% They said this was ok and that there can be many reasons for it being slightly lower such as stress, diet and when he did the sample. Like I said, he has to do it again anyway so the results don't matter too much now anyway. I know he was annoyed that he has to do it again but we both want the best and freshest result so it needs to be done!

After our appointment, I went over to have my ultrasound again. This time, she managed to find both ovaries. The left side was perfect and showed 5 follicles but the right only showed 2. She said this was perfectly fine. I was more relieved than I realised I would be. My body has let me down during most of my life with many parts of me not working or functioning properly so I just assumed that may be the same. I've even previously spoken to Josh about the 'what if' I don't have good eggs or they can't use mine.... at least the baby will definitely be mine and Josh's. Such a big positive for me at least.

We asked the nurse a few questions about what to expect for the next steps after the ultrasound for me. She has told us that, at our next appointment in December, if we have been given the funding and we get Josh's sperm sample done and ready, then I will be seen by a nurse who will teach me how to do injections. I already do plenty of injections daily because of my CF-related diabetes so I'm sure I won't need that much training! These injections will be for 10-14 days and will help make sure my eggs are in the best conditions ready for them to be fertilised once they are removed. While on these injections I will have to have scans practically every other day and travel up to the hospital each time as they need to keep a close eye on things. So this next step will happen in January IF the funding goes ahead. 

So that's it until we get a letter through the post with our funding decision. We are slightly upset as we built up this second appointment and were very excited but not much has moved on. We are stuck until we get that decision. I'm sure we will hear during November. I'm just happy that my body hasn't let me down in this area so far and that the baby will be both mine and Josh's. 

Funding....

First of all, I want to thank all of you who left a comment or messaged both me and Josh when we shared our blog and information for the first time. We were so overwhelmed with the support and really didn't expect it. It was an amazing response and some people went above and beyond trying to help anyway they could. This process is going to be a long one so at the moment we are taking things appointment by appointment and learning ourselves along the way.

Since the last blog there haven't been anymore updates so that's why we have been quiet. The only update was that we had our next appointment booked in for Monday 29 October but it got moved (for whatever reason) to Friday 9 November. I still have to go up on 29 October as I have my ultrasound but we will update once we have had our next appointment.

We received a letter a few days ago about our funding application. We were surprised as we didn't think we would hear anything until our next appointment but we got sent a copy of the letter that was sent to our surrogacy doctor. Our surrogacy doctor applied on our behalf for us to be considered for NHS funded Fertility Preservation. The initial application has been ACCEPTED and our case will be considered at the next available funding meeting!! 

We are both very happy that we have progressed through the first stage and want everyone to help us keep our fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes crossed that we get accepted at the next meeting. I don't like to think negatively but we are both really worried we won't get the funding. I don't see why we shouldn't - there is no arguments about the situation - I can't carry a baby - end of discussion! Believe me, if there was a way round it, I would. Most of you know how stubborn I am but in this case, I would be being selfish and very stupid to go against medical advice. Even though I've had my transplant, it still isn't a cure. I still have a suppressed immune system, low body weight, diabetes, tiredness and Cystic Fibrosis. 

So if we don't get the funding we will still be following our same plan and route for a baby - it will just set us back a bit more in time and we will do all we can to fundraise and save.

The First Appointment...

On Wednesday 29 August, we had our first appointment at the hospital to start our surrogacy journey. We were both so nervous as we had so many questions and didn't know what to expect. We signed in, I had my height and weight done and then we were shown into a room where we met the main man that deals with the process. He was lovely and straight to the point. He had my referral notes from Harefield that said why we were there and he went through medical information with us both. He straight away told us that he would be happy to help us!

He told us that there are 2 parts that need to be paid for: the first part was the expensive bit paying for the hospital to create the embryos which would be £7000-8000, and the second part would be paying for the embryos to be transferred into the surrogate which is around £2000. He is applying for funding for us for the first process but the second process is not funded so we will have to try and pay for that ourselves. We will find the money no matter what!

He said the process will take as long as we need it to and everything will be done when we are ready. The embryos, once fertilised, can be frozen until we are ready to use them. He also added that we will be given a counsellor who will help us with all the legal side of things as there are things that need to be drawn up and signed throughout the process between us, the hospital and the surrogate. He gave us 3 forms which involved 3 different tests and procedures that we needed to do before the next appointment - 2 of them were done straight away. The first was a blood test for me and from this, they can find out how many eggs I have. I showed them my best vein as I hardly have any due to the years of blood tests, lines, etc... and this was taken with no problems.

The next part was Josh's 'donation'. To produce his semen, the form said you had to not have any sexual activity for 2-7 days (no longer) and make sure everything was clean. It was a Monday-Friday walk-in clinic so I said why don't we go to the department straight away to save him coming back. He was given his pot and taken to a room. Without going into too much detail, he finished and came out and laughed all the way home! It was very clinical and the DVD provided was very out of date but at least thats done with.

The last thing was for me to do was for me to book in an ultrasound of my uterus. This will give a clear picture of where my uterus and eggs are and if the egg retrieval will be straight forward or more invasive. Since coming home, I have called and booked the appointment for middle of October as I am off work for half-term.

We have received our letter through from the hospital this morning with our next appointment which is Monday 29 October. That was perfect as it fell on one of Josh's days off and I will still be off on half-term. Result! At this appointment, we should find out if we have been given the funding, will get the results of mine and Josh's tests and see what the next stages are.

Exciting but nervous and hoping it all goes as smooth as it can. Until the next appointment.....

You Can't Carry a Child...

I have always known that it may be difficult, if not medically advised, that I should not and could not carry a child. I have always loved and worked with children and always spoken to friends and family like I would definitely be a mum one day. However, since turning 30 and me and Josh looking at houses and marriage in the near future, I wanted a definite answer.

I had a regular check up at Harefield in June and asked to speak to one of my main consultants so I could ask and get some answers. It was then that I was told no, they strongly advised that I do not get pregnant. I know many CF patients who have had babies and this just depends on how well you are, however, becoming pregnant once you have had a lung transplant is a different issue. If you become pregnant after a transplant, no matter if you are in good health or not, your antibodies will raise which can cause your lungs to reject. This is something that both me and my family do not want me to even risk. It would also be unfair and selfish for me to get pregnant and risk dying basically after everything that both me, my family, friends and medical team have done to keep me alive! So there is nothing I can do to change this situation.

At first, I spent a few days really upset. I really wasn't surprised by the answer but to hear it for definite makes it more final. My body failing me yet again. Josh was brilliant as usual with his response and said we would do whatever it takes and that he would be by my side no matter what. I know my family and close friends were quite relieved that I was given that answer as they didn't want me risking my health and want me as healthy as possible after everything.

Harefield had said they would refer me to a hospital that they work with so that we could have a chat and get some information on surrogacy. After a few weeks, the appointment came through and we were given a date for the end of August. Nerves and excitement then overtook the upset and disappointment. I never feel sorry for myself for too long and always try and find ways around things and this was just another hurdle to try and overcome!